Do you sometimes feel like you're in a vacuum??

Hmmm...

I just realized that I can be really bad if I choose to. As in, super-ultra-mega-over-tothemax bad!!!

Lately, I see a me I don't really know. It's like I am turning into someone not really me. Parang c Jean Grey, mala-Peter Parker. hehehehhe...

Seriously, I feel like I have been "good" all my life and has somehow suppressed the evil in me. And now it's trying to break loose... prying my virtues to have a say of who I really am.

I am not taken to saying bad words but now? You name it... I may have uttered everything one time or another, all these said only just this year. It's either the world is changing for the worst and I am joining the wagon!!! Or...

Don't get me wrong... I'm no saint. I know about sin, but has not been in that state for so long a time.

Only now, I think, I am in the brink of...

do you sometimes feel that you just don't want to start on a relationship again? i mean, start at the getting-to-know-you stage again?

I just realized something. God pours rain to the good and the bad. I have not actually been a good person these days but He bless me continually. No matter how good or bad I have been.

I think that God is not demanding. He lets you decide on your own. He takes the sidelines and watch you. Watching you not like a jail guard does, but as a loving Father making sure His beloved will not get hurt as we do your thing. He lets you take your time because He is confident you'll surely find your way back to him. And this time you would be happy and content.

Had the longest break anyone could have. 6 days off work. Half the time I was lying in bed due to lower back and hip pains... I was bullied into a hi-intensity workout by the fitness instructor, that's why.

The pains made me realize a lot of things... Come on, it was holy week so twas the perfect time to reflect. I actually acquired a lot of baggage along life's way. People, events, and places kinda complicated the way I live my life. I realized that I am no longer as carefree and selfless as when I was younger. I value more things now - money, position, material things, relationships... you name it, you'll be sure to find it in my life.

I became a stickler for the so-called right things, regardless if these limitations made me happy or not. Striving to become a better me killed the artist and the child in me. And now, I'm too scared to let my hair fall down...

Lots of things on my mind but still havent got time to write them down.... I'll be back. ;-)